Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny friendship quotes, funny friendship sayings, and funny friendship proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places. Mark Twain. Laurence J. Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. Charles Caleb Colton. Marcelene Cox.